Sweetest Romance ♥

wishesfreedom

i really don't know what am i suppose to be to you.
what kind of positions do i hold in your heart...or shall i ask, is it none at all ?
yeap, hadn't been blogging like ever since...FOREVER.
franctically, i don't really wanna blog nowadays. infected by the famous lazy disease.
if it wasn't for what happened these few days that brought me disastrously down, i guess u wouldn't see my post till august ?
u'd changed. really, i mean, quite a no. of them realized this prob too not that i'm over sensitive or something.
u started tried to ignore me. tried to cut short the conversations i started. tried to hide things from me.
it's just so not the person i knew anymore.
i felt awful. i struggled over this problem for quite some time.
i tried to tell myself everything's fine. u're gonna be back in anytime soon. but u aren't, isn't it...
u've gone with the cravings of men in this world. possessed by fame ? perhaps.
of course, this is not the first time, and definitely not the only time. i'd difficulties to just fix it up to u whenever ur "season" is back. where i'd to hang on to myself. i ought to feel tired too you know ?
i felt isolated by you. i just hate this. i wanted to stop this.
but i can't...the helpless feeling is just lingering in my heart.

0 comments |

Flash Backs.

wishesfreedom

those sweet bitter memories flowed back.
i did have a harsh time remembering all these though.
jie came over and said that she had western cuisine for dinner.
bang. it hit me hard and nevertheless, pictures in mind pierced right through me.
suddenly i realized that mum has indeed gone for long.
out of the blue i just felt so lonely....and abandoned.
i miss her. her presence did meant something to me.
i still remember how we used to go for supper at a cafe nearby.
palm tree ? palm spring ? *damn ! i forgot their name. i hope mummy remember.
palm something.
they have good food there. i miss the food there. and of course, i miss the time i had with mum there the most.
i used to order mushroom soup or sometimes banana split ice-cream.
we can chit chat all time letting the cool breeze blew by us.
such wonderful memories. isn't it ? i missed it. i miss her. i wanna turn back the time.
i want to experience that feeling once again. just once.

went over to counseling room to hand over Miss Chai my photocopied IC. and who knows ?
she started asking questions bout my family...
and i ended up spilling my childhood stories.
cried like an hour there ?? went back class with a red nose with everyone asking
"Are u ok ?"
lol. they must be wondering what happened.
i knew i went over too long...mandy and jing ying came over to find me. i heard their voices. but they didn't barge in though. xD
teacher searched for chocolates to cheer me up. but none was found xD
too many ppl cry at counseling room ?? :X
it hurt so much when ur hidden wound was being hurt again.
just like me, i can't bear it.
especially the topic on family. it became a sensitive issue towards me.
when she finally get to noe more about my childhood.
she asked me a question that left me feeling unable to doubt.
"It's a very heavy burden isn't it ?"
upon hearing that, i teared up. she said out something that was carved in my heart since ages.
yes. i is a burden till now. i won't deny.
i felt pressurized. i had heavy burdens to carry on my shoulder.
no one knew when i cried in the living room silently at night.
such pain. such torment. it's unbearable.
cried uncontrollably.

"How do you feel towards your dad now ?"
i used to hate him. but now, i felt quite numb. i even had the difficulty to call him father. cuz we've been separated for quite some time...we don't share common topics. it's like talking to a stranger when i met him. what was being asked i will answer, that's it. i won't try to make a conversation or something and there it was ---- mere silence.
such irony. the dad that i used to love and wants to hang around last time became such a stranger to me.
the one who used to care so much about me but now abandoned me.
i had his number. but no, i won't call him. i don't know why. maybe i just don't miss him anymore ? maybe i don't want my mum to get hurt by my actions.
i used to envy those happy family around me. how caring they can be around one another.
when it was father's day or mother's day, i sit around and cry myself remembering how my friends got hugs from their mum and dad, the way a child was treated with care. how they got those attention that i needed so much.
i wanted them to be around taking care of me when i was sick. just like what other kids gets.
i used to ask the question WHY.
why can't i do the same ? why can't i get the same treatment ? why ?!
i used to ponder but now i gave up on the answers. because there was none. they doesn't exist at the first place.

a bite that leads from one to another. ♥ cadbury.

currently being dull. trying to hype up myself. i treat myself with chocolates and choc chip cookies every night for supper.
darn. what a way to cheer me up. getting fatter too. i took more than 24 cookies a day. geng leh....calories. :S
still, a great big thank u to dear n his sis today for helping to colour kajian warna. need to rush up some work. so ended up each colour one...haha...creativity contest ? xD
dear even got me cadbury choc. awwwwwww..... thank you *hugs

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Cramps.

wishesfreedom

i've totally forgotten when's the last time i'd updated a post. that should be like near a month isn't it...
i don't know why...blogging fever is just suddenly. "zap" !!
away from my life. LOL.
ok la, i admit. i m lazy. and i got seni project to rush on. :S
this is just some random post. cuz for what i actually wanted to post, I've FORGOTTEN.
how amazing.
first time having such a horrible cramp in school. period cramps i tink.
damn. i can't even walk properly and nearly fell down. luckily i manage to sat on the chair nearby instead of falling onto the floor. ouch. that must hurt.
was sent to bilik rawatan. but the pain was just unbearable that i can't sleep.
skipped tuition. *guilty
but i really can't move. i was on bed for quite some time. but i just can't sleep with that pain.
luckily, i was too tired. i manage to get some rest.
till now, it still hurts. :'( *sobs
i even broke into cold sweats when i reached home. i looked kinda pale. cuz my lips looks....DESATURATED ?

rushing on to finish off my seni project currently. i've been doing it for weeks with my sweetheart.
thank you dear for helping me so much :) love u !
just because of one stupid 2010 i got the whole sticker thing wrong. damn ! have to redo everything.
otherwise, i would've done by now. :S
school's having korperasi week means FOOD ! gosh, i spent 7 bucks on food just in a day. A DAY :S
and of course, i gained like 3 KG ?!
damn. gotta get back my normal weight. i'mma getting fat. :(
gtg. dun wanna write so much. hands aso lemah long-lai edi.

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How Cute.

wishesfreedom

today was deliberately just cute.
dear told me bout his plan before this at restaurant....the plan that i typically ruined without realizing :X
he actually planned to ask sze to help him buy the wallet i bought and give it back to me as a present
*the wallet which i really liked
F.Y.I, i am selling wallets, pouch n bags recently.
those who are interested can visit my facebook album. thank u.
ok, back to topic.
and being the innocent and ignorant me. :X i din realize that.
i was gonna sell sze my wallet first and get myself another one later...
i told her if she wants mine, i will order from supplier another new one...
so, lol. now u noe how i manage to ruin the whole thing.
so that's what they're laughing and planning behind my back all about huh ? :P

after fetching sze to bank in stuff....we went for breakfast and then they headed for cc.
game of the day : L4D2. *them, not me.
but my first time still gave them...i finally online at cc...whoops. :X
nah, takkan wan me see them play oni rite....actually i can la...but kinda waste time la...so i surf the net instead.
logged in facebook to make some final changes on the goods sold.
gosh....typing the same thing around and around again just changing one or two words is killing me...
darn tiring and at the same time annoying :S
then not to mention all those copy paste. goodness sake.
by the time they finished their game i still haven finish yet... :S so i guess u can imagine the work load i had.
afternoon time, i kinda mistaken as the eggs being cooked by han's sis was spaghetti... too far mah :X
can't see clearly...sorry. :(
han made me peanut butter bread and cooked fishballs for me. thank u dear !! :D

so, do member !! if anyone's finding bags, wallets or even pouch can find me !! :P

4 comments |

His Birthday.

wishesfreedom

star of the day :D

typically sorry for my blog for not updating. :X
i'd been really lazy recently.
as i'd written in my past post. anniversary was indeed a disaster.
but he promised to make it up for me. let's just hope he don't break his promise again.
i "knitted" him something. it's not really knitting after all....just can't find the right words.
one for me the other for him. :)
exam was so stressful that i went to shop with cui to buy food. sushi n chocs especially !!
oh gosh...all fattening stuff :X

random pic. :) wrote this myself :P

my gift for him :) one for him, one for me.

learn this from cui :) for dear dear.

each one can get one :P

exam too stress. needs all these. yummy !!

on anniversary had sushi again as well...i'm getting a little sick of it now :\
stayed back specially for him to learn how to fold money into love shape frm emily.
luckily didn't miss uncle's car at last...or i will have to walk under the super hot sun...u know la...weather nowadays were horrible.
got him a leather wallet and hoped that he'll like it :)
i guess it would be the first time ever i wrapped up present till so nice....i mean outside only la...
once opened up can see all kind of flaws.
went to watch prince of persia with him...and eventually the movie was awesome !!
must watch...
now i realized that i wanna watch lotsa new movies !! :X
then accompanied him and his family to temple at KL.
which turned out to be TRAFFIC JAM. :S
peak hours ? perhaps.
darn. we're stuck like...NOT MOVING AT ALL in the middle of the road for an hour plus.

anniversary food.

sushi frenzy !! :P

wrapped this up for darling. :)

back view.

first time wrapping gift so nicely :P

outer layer bag.

dear dear's geh present :D

tada !! see what mess i created on the bed while wrapping present. :P

my friend was trying to cheer me up when me n dear dear argued before this....so drew me this.

i was starving. and we're late to dinner.
but his dad bought me something to eat... pancake ? whatever it is....i'd no idea what it really named after.
grateful and thank you :D
Had barbecue and steamboat at QQ.
great times together with friends. enjoyed laughing like mad... :)
ate a lot. but cooked little. :X whoops.
sze terbalik....cook for me !! i mean...US. :P wakakakakka !! thank u !!
everyone was too full then that we'll have to eat the cake the next day. xD
looi got too into her tortoise jelly... then influenced us to go eat... han went to take a half cat n bear looking jelly....made us argue on what it was... then han just poke the jelly's eyes...now we can't differentiate anymore isn't it ? xD
and of course, pui mun did create a mess later....whole table too smokey till we have to hide somewhere else instead... and the out come was....HAM HANGUS :X
then when han cut cake he was doing it slowly....in a slow motion manner so that i can take pic of him...but actually i was recording...and the whole process n conversation made us laugh.

dear's present.

bought leather wallet for dear's b'day. wanted to choose a better looking one...but dirty edi...no stock left. so took this instead.

in the wallet. specially learnt this from emily :D hearts linked together ;)

special thanks to emily !! :D

just arrived. cooking time !! :P

looi seemed so happy :P

our chef, pui mun made the condition ... SMOKEY ? xD

haha...dear dear gave me a cute reaction. xD

me n birthday boy :P

looi with her....TORTOISE JELLY :P

dear poked the jelly's eye...so no one knew what it was at last...xD

criminal !! xD

gather around.

dear stabbing the cake. xD

cut properly la.

proper way of cutting :D

present from all of them.

wrote this in card. :)

Fri, 4th June 2010.
went Jusco to buy stuff to make cards with sze earlier.
and their workers was basically firting with u. ewww.
don't they realize i can report them ?? :S
end up making cards till 3 something in the morning n woke up at 6...what's worse ? i can't sleep after i finished the cards...cuz stayed up too long edi....
the next day, how tired n sleepy.
they better appreciate my cards !!
Teacher's Day madness.
sketch was awesome.
teachers dressed up as students and act...how cute !! :D
the best Teacher's Day ever.
and there comes tze wei in wig and dancing hip hop.
gosh...if only she was a girl.
because i tink he'll have fans !!! xD
friends got their eye brow shaved away by make up artist...*not all but still, WEIRD without make up.
major difference.
how unprofessional. didn't even ask...pity them....
rach's singing was splendid !! :D
anyway, that day everything was basically awesome.

different designs.

the glitter nearly destroy my card D:

nice ??

for class teacher :)

"t" for teacher's day, for thank you and finally for Pn.Thillai ~

another round off mass that took me some time to clean up before sleep :(

sze did the other three cards.

me n kar yee got bunga telur from teacher.
for helping her take some really heavy box to her car.

eggie !! i shall eat u :P

in cheerful mode....so made a colourful card for Ms.Lee.

tada !!

Sun, 7th June 2010.

went to jusco buy food.
got some canned food, junks, ice-cream, and maggi :X
i left my bytes uneaten :\
watched anacondas.
supposingly was our make up anniversary celebration. but, dear sick edi :(
let him rest.
made me so worried :(
u ah...take care ah !! see la...play too much com edi...now headache liao la... :\

shoes gonna tear soon. so went pasar malam alone n buy shoes. walked home alone...so scary ah... :(
bought new bag too... sure kena ngam edi :X
then did nail art myself too :D