perhaps it would be because of the condition of the family i grew up in that he would leave me. perhaps.
all those possibilities that u've once mentioned to me.
but it wasn't my fault isn't it ?? why ?! why are u blaming me on it ?! why must u shatter my dream ?! it was my only hope... i had not asked for anything but just this once. i wanted ur blessings and support. not your mockings and discouraging words that stabs right through me. i didn't ask for all these !! i didn't have a choice to choose and say no to all these don't i ?! it was the adult's decision not mine. so why am i at fault for it ?!
bitch with two masks whom everyone hated so much. * more than 2 masks actually.
to be honest, i m so sick of it. SICK OF YOU.
so f*ck off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i've learnt to be more dependent on you. i'm addicted that i can't leave u now.
getting a glimpse of hints that u might actually leave me hurts me so badly.
i hadn't slept well recently. just by dropping tears for u. and it happened for NIGHTS.
i'm tired. really tired. headache like mad that sometimes i tend to lose control and starts to cry out of the blue.
i guess pressure had really got the better of me.
i promised her i won't cry over it anymore. but sometimes, i just tend to break that promise.
it's difficult u know. it's way easier to say then to do when images and voice flash back into my mind haunting me.
yea. i grew in a broken condition family. and maybe because of that. i m lack of love.
and when i met you. u provided me with your love.
i don't like the feeling that u might leave. because it give me that same feeling again.
where i lost love. where he left us behind without looking back nor had sympathy.
what i feared the most ? i think i knew now.
i'm afraid of the departure of my love ones. and YOU, are one of them.
i don't know what i will be doing without you. i would be lost.
i am easily provoked. and jealous is definitely my character.
i don't like losing my love to someone else nor did i like the feeling of sharing you with someone else.
i just don't like u getting too close with them. i am noticing all those small actions that u both shared. and i really take it into my heart. i don't like the feeling. it's bitter.
i knew that both of u had nothing ambiguous in between but i just can't stop myself from thinking something else.
all those possibilities were floating around me in my mind as if teasing and mocking me.
so would you please, for my sake, don't get too close with them. think of my feelings please.
you don't know how much i had suffered.
mum had asked me why am i writing like i cried in my previous post. even though she can't read english fluently.
she manage to get some meaning and was asking what happened.
am i being bullied ?
she was so worried. that she said anything also must tell her. don't let other ppl bully me.
i cried. i wanted to pour out to her all my feelings that very moment. a nervous break down i guess. but i didn't.
i said i was fine. but i knew i wasn't and that i was pretending to be fine back then.
even though sometimes we have different opinions...when u thought that it wasn't important. and it won't affect us much...IT DID. at least it did to me. i felt the pain. and i do care. i just can't take it.
i know i am selfish. but that's just me right ? will you accept it generously ?
even though i hated my babysitter much. i can't help to think of the possibility that she said u will leave me one day.
i can't take it. and i don't wanna believe it.
it's not that i don't have confidence in you. i didn't have confidence in myself. do you get it ?
perhaps it was all related to the condition i grew up in. i have low self esteem. i don't trust that i have the ability to make you stay with me because i am not that special after all.
who am i ? NO ONE. such uncertainties drives me crazy.
all those possibilities that u've once mentioned to me.
but it wasn't my fault isn't it ?? why ?! why are u blaming me on it ?! why must u shatter my dream ?! it was my only hope... i had not asked for anything but just this once. i wanted ur blessings and support. not your mockings and discouraging words that stabs right through me. i didn't ask for all these !! i didn't have a choice to choose and say no to all these don't i ?! it was the adult's decision not mine. so why am i at fault for it ?!
bitch with two masks whom everyone hated so much. * more than 2 masks actually.
to be honest, i m so sick of it. SICK OF YOU.
so f*ck off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i've learnt to be more dependent on you. i'm addicted that i can't leave u now.
getting a glimpse of hints that u might actually leave me hurts me so badly.
i hadn't slept well recently. just by dropping tears for u. and it happened for NIGHTS.
i'm tired. really tired. headache like mad that sometimes i tend to lose control and starts to cry out of the blue.
i guess pressure had really got the better of me.
i promised her i won't cry over it anymore. but sometimes, i just tend to break that promise.
it's difficult u know. it's way easier to say then to do when images and voice flash back into my mind haunting me.
yea. i grew in a broken condition family. and maybe because of that. i m lack of love.
and when i met you. u provided me with your love.
i don't like the feeling that u might leave. because it give me that same feeling again.
where i lost love. where he left us behind without looking back nor had sympathy.
what i feared the most ? i think i knew now.
i'm afraid of the departure of my love ones. and YOU, are one of them.
i don't know what i will be doing without you. i would be lost.
i am easily provoked. and jealous is definitely my character.
i don't like losing my love to someone else nor did i like the feeling of sharing you with someone else.
i just don't like u getting too close with them. i am noticing all those small actions that u both shared. and i really take it into my heart. i don't like the feeling. it's bitter.
i knew that both of u had nothing ambiguous in between but i just can't stop myself from thinking something else.
all those possibilities were floating around me in my mind as if teasing and mocking me.
so would you please, for my sake, don't get too close with them. think of my feelings please.
you don't know how much i had suffered.
mum had asked me why am i writing like i cried in my previous post. even though she can't read english fluently.
she manage to get some meaning and was asking what happened.
am i being bullied ?
she was so worried. that she said anything also must tell her. don't let other ppl bully me.
i cried. i wanted to pour out to her all my feelings that very moment. a nervous break down i guess. but i didn't.
i said i was fine. but i knew i wasn't and that i was pretending to be fine back then.
even though sometimes we have different opinions...when u thought that it wasn't important. and it won't affect us much...IT DID. at least it did to me. i felt the pain. and i do care. i just can't take it.
i know i am selfish. but that's just me right ? will you accept it generously ?
even though i hated my babysitter much. i can't help to think of the possibility that she said u will leave me one day.
i can't take it. and i don't wanna believe it.
it's not that i don't have confidence in you. i didn't have confidence in myself. do you get it ?
perhaps it was all related to the condition i grew up in. i have low self esteem. i don't trust that i have the ability to make you stay with me because i am not that special after all.
who am i ? NO ONE. such uncertainties drives me crazy.
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