suddenly, i was reminiscing my past...
talking about my past .... how much do u noe about me ?
how well do u noe me ?
who is the Sin Yee u r talking to all these while ? is she from the past a cheerful person ?
is she just wearing a smile on her face all these while but deep down she's actually breaking down ?
do i have a happy n memorable childhood ?
well, actually...no, i don't really have one...
i cant really member much things tat are happy when i m young....cuz not much happy things happened i suppose ?
the things i member so clearly was the situation where i saw both of my parents yelling at each other in the room while i was peeking in from the door outside....i was a kid tat time....barely seven....maybe six or five...somewhere around tat age....
the next minute, i saw my mum in tears....a face full of sorrow and pain...an expression tat i will never forget...crying at the stairways....tears flowing down from her eyes....
he left...
he just left....walked out of the house...and never came back...he didn't even take the effort to look back....
he didn't turn to see me or mum...
leaving me and mum behind....
i am his child ! his one and only child ! don't he love me ???
how can he be so cruel to us ? how can he be so irresponsible and just left both of us like tat ?
from tat moment onwards, i decided....i hate him...for taking the decision to leave us and to find that woman...
wat's so gud with tat bitch ?! why must she ruin my family ?!?! can't she find a better one ?? wat's wrong with her desperate case ??
i was fuming in anger deep down inside....hatred took over....
i still remember clearly the words tat my mum spoke....
she asked me in mandarin , " Sin Yee, mummy and daddy is going to separate already...u want to follow daddy or mummy ? "
a question that hold me back....
separate ?? wat do u mean by separate ?? i asked myself....a kid that knows nothing bout the complicated relationships adults having....it really makes me ponder...
moments later, i realized...he's not coming back....not anymore....
everytime i flashback n thought bout tis....i will cry....and i m doing so as i m writing tis blog....
family's love and concern is wat i have craved for all these while....
there's this time i became mischievous...i forgotten wat i did that made my mum freaking mad...my mum fetch me to the playground nearby that woman's house....asked me to go and find tat....of course i m reluctant to do so....i begged over and over again....crying all my heart out...
finally, she stopped askin me to get down....we cried together that very night....
from tat night onwards, i m very afraid tat mum would ask me to leave her again....i m afraid tat she will forsake me...and i will be totally lost....no more family's love....
because of this separation....i have lost it...lost the love of family i tried to hold on all these while...
dad left for another woman....mum can't be by my side because she have to support the whole family by herself now...no more depending on him...she went outstation....
work very hard...just to support tis family....but....nothing's goin easy on her...circumstances befall her...
wat kind of situation can make things worse ?
well, sad to say.... A LOT MORE can.... =(
inconsiderate family members....my grandparents they all...
for ur info, my grandparents is those type tat care son more than daughter one....
so, when anything happened to their beloved son, which happens to be my uncle....
they will come lookin after my mum to ask for help...
wat kind of help....? MONEY....always the same old thing....money, money, money...tats all they freakin cared !
wat ? my uncle is their son then my mum is not their daughter ?! why must be so pilih kasih....
don't they noe tat it's so unfair to my mum....do they even realize how tired she is....? how hard she worked just to cope up with their wishes ?
my uncle's factory had some financial problem....they seeked my mum's help....
my second uncle gamble n lost a great amount of money....they asked my mum to help him pay off the debts....
my grandfather was admitted to the hospital...he's needin money for surgery...and all of them backed off...leavin my mum to pay off the bill....
and these are oni SOME of the situations .... there's more....it's just tat i dun wanna list it out....=/
they called again for money from my mum....why ? why ? why they just cant stop tis ?? has tis became sum kind of routine or customary to them ??
i felt so heartbroken every single time i thought about it....
my mum didn't know that all these while i knew all these....because she never told me....she's tryin to bear it off herself....but i manage to find out frm auntynanny...
so i had tis feelin of heart gettin pierce through whenever my mum act fine infront of me when she's not....i knew she's not....she's just tryin to act strong infront of me...
she cried on the phone infront of aunty before....when i found out this....i can really feel tat my heart bleeds....sumtimes....i just ..... hate them ?
i have no idea...i m so sick of it...so tired of all this....it's like a living nightmare ! haunting me....
i felt so much better after spillin out all my feelings....rather than keepin it all to myself....and starts spilling into tears during the night....
i dunno....i just dunno....
i dunno whether can i really hate them....all of them....
sometimes i will say tat i hate them...but after a while....i will start doubting myself....n slowly i will try to forgive them....but they are repeating it again n again....can't they just stop it ? i beg u all....please ?? =/
my mum asked me before....do i hate him for leaving us behind....i said yes at the beginning but not tat much later...but do i really meant wat i said ? i m not sure....i m just ....just....so confuse.... *sigh
how can i let all this go ?? can i just forget about them ?? sometimes, i m just so mad at them fir their actions and behaviour.....but sometimes i can't help but to forgive them because they were part of my family....
every single time i saw him again i will cry...no doubt about it....
it has been six years....and there he goes....suddenly pop out infront of me again.....
sayin tat all these while he missed me and stuff...
but a question came to me....if he really does missed me these much ....why didn't he came to find me earlier....why out of sudden now ? why after six long years....my question remained unanswered....
i really doubt it....does he really care about his child ? does he really misses me ?
i just don't know...............so uncertain........so insecure.........
talking about my past .... how much do u noe about me ?
how well do u noe me ?
who is the Sin Yee u r talking to all these while ? is she from the past a cheerful person ?
is she just wearing a smile on her face all these while but deep down she's actually breaking down ?
do i have a happy n memorable childhood ?
well, actually...no, i don't really have one...
i cant really member much things tat are happy when i m young....cuz not much happy things happened i suppose ?
the things i member so clearly was the situation where i saw both of my parents yelling at each other in the room while i was peeking in from the door outside....i was a kid tat time....barely seven....maybe six or five...somewhere around tat age....
the next minute, i saw my mum in tears....a face full of sorrow and pain...an expression tat i will never forget...crying at the stairways....tears flowing down from her eyes....
he left...
he just left....walked out of the house...and never came back...he didn't even take the effort to look back....
he didn't turn to see me or mum...
leaving me and mum behind....
i am his child ! his one and only child ! don't he love me ???
how can he be so cruel to us ? how can he be so irresponsible and just left both of us like tat ?
from tat moment onwards, i decided....i hate him...for taking the decision to leave us and to find that woman...
wat's so gud with tat bitch ?! why must she ruin my family ?!?! can't she find a better one ?? wat's wrong with her desperate case ??
i was fuming in anger deep down inside....hatred took over....
i still remember clearly the words tat my mum spoke....
she asked me in mandarin , " Sin Yee, mummy and daddy is going to separate already...u want to follow daddy or mummy ? "
a question that hold me back....
separate ?? wat do u mean by separate ?? i asked myself....a kid that knows nothing bout the complicated relationships adults having....it really makes me ponder...
moments later, i realized...he's not coming back....not anymore....
everytime i flashback n thought bout tis....i will cry....and i m doing so as i m writing tis blog....
family's love and concern is wat i have craved for all these while....
there's this time i became mischievous...i forgotten wat i did that made my mum freaking mad...my mum fetch me to the playground nearby that woman's house....asked me to go and find tat....of course i m reluctant to do so....i begged over and over again....crying all my heart out...
finally, she stopped askin me to get down....we cried together that very night....
from tat night onwards, i m very afraid tat mum would ask me to leave her again....i m afraid tat she will forsake me...and i will be totally lost....no more family's love....
because of this separation....i have lost it...lost the love of family i tried to hold on all these while...
dad left for another woman....mum can't be by my side because she have to support the whole family by herself now...no more depending on him...she went outstation....
work very hard...just to support tis family....but....nothing's goin easy on her...circumstances befall her...
wat kind of situation can make things worse ?
well, sad to say.... A LOT MORE can.... =(
inconsiderate family members....my grandparents they all...
for ur info, my grandparents is those type tat care son more than daughter one....
so, when anything happened to their beloved son, which happens to be my uncle....
they will come lookin after my mum to ask for help...
wat kind of help....? MONEY....always the same old thing....money, money, money...tats all they freakin cared !
wat ? my uncle is their son then my mum is not their daughter ?! why must be so pilih kasih....
don't they noe tat it's so unfair to my mum....do they even realize how tired she is....? how hard she worked just to cope up with their wishes ?
my uncle's factory had some financial problem....they seeked my mum's help....
my second uncle gamble n lost a great amount of money....they asked my mum to help him pay off the debts....
my grandfather was admitted to the hospital...he's needin money for surgery...and all of them backed off...leavin my mum to pay off the bill....
and these are oni SOME of the situations .... there's more....it's just tat i dun wanna list it out....=/
they called again for money from my mum....why ? why ? why they just cant stop tis ?? has tis became sum kind of routine or customary to them ??
i felt so heartbroken every single time i thought about it....
my mum didn't know that all these while i knew all these....because she never told me....she's tryin to bear it off herself....but i manage to find out frm auntynanny...
so i had tis feelin of heart gettin pierce through whenever my mum act fine infront of me when she's not....i knew she's not....she's just tryin to act strong infront of me...
she cried on the phone infront of aunty before....when i found out this....i can really feel tat my heart bleeds....sumtimes....i just ..... hate them ?
i have no idea...i m so sick of it...so tired of all this....it's like a living nightmare ! haunting me....
i felt so much better after spillin out all my feelings....rather than keepin it all to myself....and starts spilling into tears during the night....
i dunno....i just dunno....
i dunno whether can i really hate them....all of them....
sometimes i will say tat i hate them...but after a while....i will start doubting myself....n slowly i will try to forgive them....but they are repeating it again n again....can't they just stop it ? i beg u all....please ?? =/
my mum asked me before....do i hate him for leaving us behind....i said yes at the beginning but not tat much later...but do i really meant wat i said ? i m not sure....i m just ....just....so confuse.... *sigh
how can i let all this go ?? can i just forget about them ?? sometimes, i m just so mad at them fir their actions and behaviour.....but sometimes i can't help but to forgive them because they were part of my family....
every single time i saw him again i will cry...no doubt about it....
it has been six years....and there he goes....suddenly pop out infront of me again.....
sayin tat all these while he missed me and stuff...
but a question came to me....if he really does missed me these much ....why didn't he came to find me earlier....why out of sudden now ? why after six long years....my question remained unanswered....
i really doubt it....does he really care about his child ? does he really misses me ?
i just don't know...............so uncertain........so insecure.........
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遇到什么是都不用怕的!!!我认识一个人名叫YKS，人很好的哦，谁有心事都可以找他的聊的,聊完过后一定担保你心情好会的噢...你需要吗？我可以介绍给你认识的啊!!!平时有人找他聊心事YKS要收钱的噢...如果是你找他啊，Erm...我可以叫他不收你钱的，还叫他打给你，不用你打给他的哦...这样的服务哪里找啊？？只有这里有啊!!!哈哈哈哈哈 xD~~~~
哈哈哈。。。。那么好的人哦 ~ 真是很难找咧 ！ xD 做什么你那么好彩会认识到他
的？ XD 哈哈。。。好的。。。好的。。。有事再告诉你让你帮我告诉他 。。。
我做么会那么好彩认识到他啊？如果要说要说很久咯...因为那时候我有找过YKS聊心事啊，还是感情事哦，我还有给钱的哦...我告诉他我喜欢上一位不接我电话的女生，我要YKS教我怎样做才好...然后YKS很快的回答我说，他说他以前也喜欢过这样子的女生，他说他也无任为力，帮不到我...但是他有给一点意见给我啦，就是叫我早点放弃那女生咯...我听他说的满有道理的，所以我就放弃她了...从那件事过后，我们就是好朋友了...现在我如果有心事也是找她聊得，但是还是有收我的钱咯!!!如果你找YKS他的说，他说过不收你的钱咯，你看啦，他对你还好过对我咯 我妒忌咯!!! 哈哈哈哈哈哈 xD~~~~